So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize