did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
