why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
