I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
