this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
