I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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