Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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