i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
