I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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