So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize