That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
