The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
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