i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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