i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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