11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
