i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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