Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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