Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
