dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize