Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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