i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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