This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize