there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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