is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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