just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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