Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
