You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
