I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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