He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
