I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
