He uses pillows to masturbate.
it was like eating out sand paper
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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