Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm lost and stupid without you.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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