Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
