The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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