Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
