I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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