the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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