I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
