He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
