Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
4 words: hood of his car
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
