do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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