No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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