I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We just shotgunned beers for America
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize