i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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