But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
