He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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