he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
