Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
