i need an iv and a liver transplant
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
