it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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