so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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