Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
