you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
