My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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