Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize