I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I just googled if crying burns calories
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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