remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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