To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
