Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
