piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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