Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
