Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I look better un-naked...
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
the gays at disneyland are vicious
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
