Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
