I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
