Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
