She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
