And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
