Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
where are you?
Hypothermia
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
